.25

Eloise's was 3 months old on Friday. So we celebrated her .25 birthday. And part of me was so happy for our baby girl getting bigger and older as each day passes. But her 3-month milestone was also this crazy reminder of how quickly she's growing and how at times, if I sit back and take it all in, it actually makes me really sad.

I'm so happy that she's grabbing at new toys without my help. I love that she fits into some of her bigger clothes hanging in her closet. I'm so proud of her for finding both of her thumbs to suck on and soothe herself. I love that she giggles and smiles and kicks when she hears my voice. I love even more that she recognizes daddy as soon as he gets home from work. And I live for her morning happy face that greets me each day at 7am.

But the other side of me is sad. I'm torn between being happy that she's becoming such a big girl and sad that she is no longer that little peanut who was swaddled up with only her hands and face peaking out. I love that I see her personality coming out each day. But it makes me sad that my little baby is growing like a weed. I love that she discovers and explores something new with her hands and eyes every day. But I'm sad that she's nearly too long to use the Boppy pillow and that she no longer has those navy blue baby eyes. I get sad when I look at the growing pile of clothes that no longer fit her. But at the same time, I love buying her new big girl costumes. I can't get my head around the fact that she can now sit up (of course with some sort of prop helping her out) and look out at me like a big girl. But it makes me sad that we've nearly traded in the bouncy chair for the jumperoo. And that she's now strong enough to face outwards on the Baby Bjorn and not towards me.

I imagine this is just the beginning of my happy-sad struggle. She's growing up so fast that it feels like if I turn my head for a second, I'll miss something. It feels like just yesterday that I had her. That we told everyone our little girl's name was Eloise Claire Vail. And when I look at her and how much she's grown, it seems nearly impossible that all this was accomplished in just 3 months.

But time goes on and with it, the Monkey grows and develops like crazy. I truly live for the day when I put my hands out to her and she reaches back. When she accomplishes her goal and gets those feet of hers and puts those piggies into her mouth. I can't wait until she and I are hanging out at the park at the end of the street. When we are having playdates that actually mean she's playing (not just mommies chatting:). And when I say, "I love you, baby," she responds, "I love you too, mommy."

It brings tears to my eyes - tears that are both happy and sad. I love that Eloise is getting so big but I can't lie, it makes me sad too.

 

(this pic is a little blurry, but she's so cute, I couldn't resist)