The mom complex

I've decided to vent. It's healthy to vent every once in awhile, right? Like I've ever had a problem sharing my feelings in the past.

Ok, here we go... I can't stand this new found "complex" that I've developed. I know where it comes from and I know it's not healthy but I'm stuck on it. I'm totally obsessing. This complex is 100% related to being a mom, and being an extremely new mom at that. I've coined it "the mom complex."

It'll sneak up on you when you least expect it. You're say, 3 months into this new gig of being a mom, feeling like you have a pretty good handle on things. You know what sets off the nugget. You know the schedule. You manage the clock like a champ. You know when nap time is approaching, when is a good time to travel, when to feed, play and just plain snuggle. But it doesn't matter how "great" of a job you think you might be doing. The mom complex still creeps in. And what does it do?? It completely changes your once fairly sane thought process from the pre-kid days and all of a sudden you'll become a chronic second guesser. An over analyzer. A crazy person, really.

I mean, who gets up in the middle of the night, realizes the baby is sleeping right through her feeding and instead of rejoicing, decides to obsess over the fact that the photo shoot from the day before was scheduled at the wrong time and that's why the baby was a fuss face? Who hires someone to come watch their child during the day and worries that they will think she's too much work and leave? Who thinks that because they didn't get a good nap routine (i.e. location) in place from the very beginning, worries obessively that it's too late? Agh! Irrational thoughts at their finest, I know. Awesome.

But where are these coming from?? I never used to be so insecure. I never used to do one thing and so quickly wished I had done another. It's such a complete and utter mind game that I'm playing with myself. And I know it's terribly unhealthy. But how do you shut it off? How do you stop the ridiculous thoughts from creeping in? How do you reject theses negative notions and move on to more productive territory? Because honestly, if I spent even 1/2 of this energy on work, on running, on planning fun family events, I'd be a rock star.

But instead, my mind chooses to waste time thinking and rethinking, guessing and second guessing, analyzing and over analyzing, all courtesy of being a mom. Welcome to the world of the mom complex.